Well-Being

Serenity

The “Serenity Prayer,” by Reinhold Niebuhr, sums up my thoughts for today:

“Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Our current world situation gives opportunity to “flesh out” this prayer. Right now, we understand that we don’t have control over a good part of our lives. Truthfully, we actually never know what life is going to send our way. There are three things I have learned or am still learning to do in order to bring relief to an anxious and/or depressed mind.

Acceptance

Accepting the things I can’t change is the first. As I’ve mentioned before, this one is an important foundation to my life. Overthinking brings anxiety, but as I step back and let go, I find the serenity and peace I am longing for.

Courage

Secondly, what areas can I find the courage to change in the world’s current upheaval?  While I cannot change the course of events, I can be responsible as to how I react to all the chaos in life and the world at large. I know outer circumstances do not dictate my level of peace. Whether or not I am rightly aligned inside does.  So I do all I can to keep grounded.

I keep life pretty simple. While not burying my head in the sand, I stay away from too much information that will only be upsetting to me. I try  to keep a normal routine going.   While so many things are changing right now, some things never change. They are the foundations of life: the ebb and flow of tides, sunrise and sunset, and the seasons. I find it calming to take a drive and view the differences in spring, summer, autumn, and winter, those parts of life that always remain in sync. As I look at these things, I realize the God who ordered and created these things is also unchanging. He is not surprised by the course of events. And I trust Him. I find myself being thankful for all that He has done and is doing for me. This is how I can weather the storms of life.

Wisdom

The last of the three is the wisdom to know when to release and when to say or do something. Releasing does not abdicate me from responsibility. Sometimes something has to be said or done in order for change to happen. Knowing the difference is the most difficult part, and I pray often for that wisdom.

 

Spiritual

Acceptance

 

I’ve often said that I was educated at the “school of hard knocks.” Aside from being plagued by depression for many years, I have experienced some pretty big heartaches in my life.

Not quite four years into our marriage, my husband and I were blessed with a baby boy. However, our son, because of an injury at birth, spent most of his short life in a hospital and died just days after his first birthday. After that loss, I suffered a miscarriage. Some time later, our next son came into our lives. We were overjoyed, but he has struggled with some issues that have affected all of our lives. When our third son arrived, all was well, and we were so thankful. But at fifteen years of age, he became a burn victim whose recovery was a year-long process. In between those times, both of my parents passed away. Thankfully, they had both lived good, long lives. Several years later, our older son’s partner passed away because of a heart attack, leaving two young children, one of whom was seven weeks old. We were privileged to help take care of these little ones. A few years after that, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully, it was caught early.

Character

I can’t say that we know why these things happened to us, but they have made us who we are. I think they have built character in us because early on we decided to accept these events as God’s plan for our lives and, as the saying goes, “become better, not bitter.” In acceptance there is peace.           

 

Spiritual

Letting Go

In my first post I told a story of how God answered my prayers in a wonderful way. But sometimes our way doesn’t open up before us in that manner. Sometimes it seems like our prayers don’t go any further than the ceiling, and it isn’t easy to trust God and His timing. And that is exactly what has happened in my life. My family and I have experienced grief in our lives for a couple of years now. God has impressed on my heart that unless He works this situation out, it will not happen. All the trying on my part will not fix it. At various times, each of us has gone through a period of anger.

Father Jonathan Morris, in his book, The Way of Serenity, says “…letting go of things that really do need fixing can feel like injustice, irresponsibility, or indifference on our part. Sometimes I have even felt guilty about trying to leave in God’s hands the things I know I cannot change, as if worrying about them means I’m doing something positive about them. But that’s shallow thinking on my part. Serenity of soul is not equal to being in control.” Oh, how true this is for me.

Peace

As I’ve said before, peace is something I highly value. Peace inside is possible even when things are not going the way we wish them to. The way I have found and continue to find peace is by letting go. I am learning that happiness and satisfaction do not come from outward circumstances but from knowing all is well in my own heart.

 

Well-Being

Rhythm

I have long believed that if I pay attention to five areas in my life, I am a more well-rounded person. These are: spiritual, physical, emotional/mental, relational/social, and financial.

I am talking today about the first three. They represent well-being for me. When I don’t work on them, my life gets out of rhythm.

Well-being

If I don’t take care of the spiritual side of my life by reading God’s Word and other inspirational books and blogs, I begin to lack direction. Likewise, if I only concentrate on the physical, I begin to feel like I am all about responsibility and dislike my life.  I haven’t taken time to recharge emotionally.  And if I only concentrate on caring for myself emotionally, I soon find I neglect preparing healthy meals, scheduling time for exercise, and getting my daily chores done.

However, I find it is impossible to keep these all in perfect balance. Instead, there is a sort of rhythm. When my body and soul are calling for rest and rejuvenation, I don’t soldier on but listen and take the break that I need. Then, I find I have more energy to get back to my responsibilities. And sleep is a priority in my life. I am not a happy person when I don’t get enough of it.

So, it’s all about paying heed to the body, soul and mind God gave me.

Emotional/Mental

Boundaries

I am a Nine in the Enneagram personality typing system. In short, I want to please people and avoid confrontation at all costs. I don’t like anyone being angry with me. My inner peace is something I value above almost everything else. This is what I write about because it is so important in my life. But even I now know I have to have boundaries in my life.

In my younger years, I didn’t give my opinion or voice my preferences. Instead, I said, “It doesn’t matter to me,” when it really did. Nines merge their identity with another person, eventually taking on that person’s identity and opinions. They forgo their boundaries in order to  merge with a more assertive partner. In my case, I idealized my husband and for many years thought his opinion was right about everything. But as the years went by, with a lack of being true to myself, I became dull and felt unimportant (not at all the person he had wanted for a wife).

Over the last years, I have learned to express my wishes and dislikes, in order to become the person I am to be. I am learning to say “yes” to a request only when I wish to, when it rings true to who I am, and when it is within my abilities. It is not comfortable when someone is angry with me, but in the end, boundaries signify that I am caring for myself, and I find the peace I so long for.

A Lifetime of Learning to Let Go