Well-Being

Full Circle

There were two paragraphs I ended with on my last post. One was about humility and the other surrender.

I have mentioned that I am a Nine on the Enneagram. I am going to give a little breakdown of the system so it is better understood where I am coming from. There are nine personality types on the Enneagram. The nine numbers are divided into three triads and three numbers in each triad—the Heart or Feeling Triad, the Head or Fear Triad, and the Gut or Anger Triad. A person’s personality is not solely one type but can have traits of one or the other remaining types in your triad. That other type is called your wing number.

The Nine falls in the Gut or Anger Triad. But along with that I am a One wing.  Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile have written a good book, The Road Back to You…An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. They say, “Ones believe their way is the only right way of seeing and doing things and therefore feel justified in being judgmental and critical of others…” and, “As a rule Ones have a merciless inner critic.” Both things I have mentioned before as a struggle for me.

Though I am a peacemaker most of the time, I am also a perfectionist, and I have a sense of justice. I have not particularly liked the One side of my personality because it causes me to leave my beloved peaceful side and really feel angry. I have wondered how to deal with this. When I feel the anger rise up in me, it is often because of my sense of justice. I know something isn’t fair and may need to be said or done about a particular matter.

In past years, if I was angry, I would stuff the feeling because I believed I should not express my anger. But as I have gotten older, I’ve sometimes jumped in when I see something where justice needs to be served, and it has ended badly.

A small event happened the other day that brought my thoughts full circle to these ideas:

  • Pray for humility each morning and throughout the day. Ask that I will not think negative thoughts, feel I have to be right, or be opinionated. Then be mindful of what I think and say.
  • When I feel anger rise up inside me, try to get by myself and surrender the outcome to the Lord. Accept the fact that I may not physically be able to say or do anything but leave it in His hands and pray for His intervention (serenity). Be open and willing to carefully say or do something if He leads in that direction (courage). Pray and be very sure of His leading (wisdom).

That is my miracle of grace.

 

 

Miscellaneous

Getting Unstuck

So what are some steps to take in order to heal the wound(s) that bring on low self-worth?

  1. Reflect on what might have taken place in the beginning to cause that wound.
  2. Recognize the lies that came from your reaction to the experience(s), and that they are not based on reality.
  3. Replace the lies with truths from God’s Word. This alone will not necessarily fix the problem but will aid in renewing the mind.
  4. Request a miracle of God’s healing grace.

I have been able to do some of the steps but not all. I know what caused the hurt in the beginning, but I could not seem to take responsibility for believing lies in regards to it. It was easier to put blame on someone else. Now I recognize this, I can move ahead to the future with confidence. I know God loves me–I have read it in His word many times over. Now I am praying for a miracle of His grace.

Feeling discouraged, I went back and perused the recent devotions I had read.

Humility

One was about always wanting to be right. I have struggled with this and realize that this issue, along with being prideful, can indicate a lack of self-worth.

Surrender

Another talked about trying to change a habit and it sometimes being impossible outside of absolute surrender. Then God steps in to do the rest. I know this whole self-worth thing needs to be addressed with surrender. That is where God’s healing grace comes in.

 

 

Emotional/Mental, Spiritual

Grace

Reality

When something said or done to us (particularly in our childhood) is unkind or painful, our reaction may cause us to believe lies about ourselves that are not based on reality. Our personality may also  predispose us to these tendencies. For instance, my husband and siblings attended the same school as me but were not affected by the rules and regulations in the same way I was.

The devil then uses these lies we believe, and emotional and spiritual damage is caused.

Inner Critic

A few years ago, because of much stress in my life and a possible medical diagnosis that didn’t look good, I was “out for the count.” In order to get better, for two years I really worked on my physical health. It helped immensely, but I realized I still had something unresolved. I had an inner critic that would not leave me alone.

Work of Grace

Self-help suggests using affirmations to help bring self-worth, but that does not work for me. Jonathan Morris says, “Simply replacing lies with truths (even biblical truths) can help someone establish a semblance of stability in his or her life, and it’s a necessary step toward full mind renewal, but when there’s deep-seated damage, knowing the truth is rarely enough to achieve the full renewal of the mind and healing of the heart. God needs to step in and work a miracle of grace.”

That brings me a whole lot of peace.

 

Emotional/Mental, Spiritual

Self-Help to God’s Help

Happy New Year!

I haven’t written for about three weeks, and that is because I was feeling stuck. I am coming full circle as I look at my issues and think my way through something I was reading and how it applies to my life.

Many years ago, I developed the habit of reading self-help books. Self-help is built from the premise of being disciplined, changing one’s thought patterns, and executing willpower—in other words, a whole lot of work. As I’ve written before, that has never been helpful for me. Every time I try harder, I end up with obsessive thoughts and feel like I have failed.

Powerless

I also have not been happy with a method that does not seem to have any depth. I was looking for something similar to self-help with a believer’s perspective. Lately, I came upon a book called, God Wants You to Be Happy…From Self-Help to God’s Help. It seemed to be what I was looking for. It talks about some people just being stuck with the self-help method. They feel powerless even after turning their lives over to God’s grace. And that has been me.

On a post several weeks ago, I mentioned having an encounter            with God’s grace. My deliverance from unhealthy guilt was life-changing and has been lasting. However, fleshing out the grace of God in my self-worth has been challenging, to say the least. Jonathan Morris says, “This blockage feels like powerlessness over negative thought and behavior patterns.”

He also says, “Chances are you don’t think much about the devil and his action in your life, and that’s probably a healthy choice.” But, “if we ignore the devil’s ability to influence our minds and wreak serious havoc on them, we will always be missing an important factor in the equation of emotional and spiritual healing. He is actively working to sow doubt and confusion. The devil’s lies do damage!”

I want to follow up with this in the next posts as I work my way along.

 

 

Spiritual

Humility

Today I want to continue talking about the “Serenity Prayer” because I believe many of us are struggling with the times we are living in.  It can be particularly depressing as the days, weeks, and months drag on. If we haven’t previously seen God in action in our lives, it is difficult to trust Him in our world.

I have seen God’s action in my life, and that keeps me from much worry. Still, accepting the reality of current limitations can be daunting. I feel I am losing my freedom and dignity in making my own choices.

My Weakness and God’s Strength

But, the thing of it is, I can develop an angry and cynical attitude, or I can become humble before God, admit my weakness, and find my strength in Him. Paul said, in 2 Corinthians, “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

My inability to change things doesn’t mean I’m resigned to the worst. My strength comes in praying for God to intervene, knowing that He can change all things in His time, if and as He wills.

 

 

 

A Lifetime of Learning to Let Go