I am a Nine in the Enneagram personality typing system. In short, I want to please people and avoid confrontation at all costs. I don’t like anyone being angry with me. My inner peace is something I value above almost everything else. This is what I write about because it is so important in my life. But even I now know I have to have boundaries in my life.

In my younger years, I didn’t give my opinion or voice my preferences. Instead, I said, “It doesn’t matter to me,” when it really did. Nines merge their identity with another person, eventually taking on that person’s identity and opinions. They forgo their boundaries in order to  merge with a more assertive partner. In my case, I idealized my husband and for many years thought his opinion was right about everything. But as the years went by, with a lack of being true to myself, I became dull and felt unimportant (not at all the person he had wanted for a wife).

Over the last years, I have learned to express my wishes and dislikes, in order to become the person I am to be. I am learning to say “yes” to a request only when I wish to, when it rings true to who I am, and when it is within my abilities. It is not comfortable when someone is angry with me, but in the end, boundaries signify that I am caring for myself, and I find the peace I so long for.